what is this new thing now? where am i returning from? suddenly all of this life seems so far away, something unreached even stretching, something that i have never lived, which was never mine. suddenly i walk into a room, to a wall covered with faces, and they are unrecognised. i have been sitting by a lake, leaning back to the leg of this friend, to the most comfortable place i have ever been, to the place where all comfort lies. i have been floating, in the circular shape pooling water gives, in the shape reflected by all of that and sky. arms out and back, i tumble, knee-deep, through water so cold, and my reflection is the shattered one, the one that breaks the content of the day. snow seems to be the place where the dawn breaks, and there it is, through the night, white as it ever was. i am lost. there is no clarity here and i am a series of all the wrong decisions, multiplied to fill a lifetime. and how, from here, could i see the right way down?