i am dwelling in the maybe, avoiding decision in the good way that decision can be avoided. i am circumventing the tradition of morning, allowing the seeping silence to have its way with me, violate the day through the hole in a sheet. i am longing for the ocean, its rush and hum, the descending extravagance of waves and me against them, the way fistfuls of sand scatter from my hands, the way the words sound as they pass from my lips. i am summarising meaning.