today i am consuming time, i am eating it off a plate to small to see, too much of it to hold in my hands. i talk to you, on the other side of the earth, and it is like my heart is exposed, ribs are ripped open. there it is. we have no room for negotiation, or for resting, in the time between here and now. there is no time for anything, except moving forward, moving into the little designated mark on the horizon that i have placed there. it is when i will be fine and you will be too, but perhaps they are not the same place. mine is here and yours is there and they are not leading in the same direction, they will never be. i wonder what it means to disentangle lives. to take all the limbs that are yours and the eyes that are yours, to pick them up and put them where they need to go. because then, at the end of it, your eyes and your limbs aren't just yours anymore, and they feel awkward and strange, they feel new. it is that newness that is the hardest part, the process of re-learning yourself in the absence of another, the process of envisaging a passageway narrow enough. where is the place that we put all our un-shared memories? i have packed mine, in a suitcase, but i carry it with me always. it is the thing that is weighing me down, it is the thing that i cannot let go of.
2 comments:
this made me cry.
oh.
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