this morning is all wakeful weariness and the ring around my eyes as i pinch them in the mirror. i have overdrawn my account and so i do without coffee and come here instead, to lurk in the open hallways of the library, to wonder when it might be that i am not tired, that i am excited and filled with a burgeoning need to run outside and see the day. this place is filled with silence and people, the gap between their voices and their mouths. i am going to miss the beach, and i am going to miss the ease of this, the way that things have made a home for me, despite my best intentions. but that is not enough and i know it.